I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
