Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
