You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize