so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
