please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
