That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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