I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
