idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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