and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
