i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
