Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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