Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!