dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.