But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.