But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet