He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
barbara walters just said penis...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.