There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
