I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
