I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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