Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
