He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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