I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
