Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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