i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry my hands just texted you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
