How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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