can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
