Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
