we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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