When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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