Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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