I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
