The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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