ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize