He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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