Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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