Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
