Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize