woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
