I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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