And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
