yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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