why didn't you poke me back
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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