why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
