he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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