If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
