5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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