remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
