Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
