life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
