I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize