Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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