Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
