There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
