Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Please don't give away my fajitas
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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