he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize