mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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