Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
