Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
