Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
