This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
