you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
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Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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