Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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