I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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