Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
